Apr 08 2008

If I Were A Rich Man…

Published by at 12:15 pm under Blog

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I’d biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.

Poignant words and words to make us truly think about ourselves, our lives and our futures. Eh, yeah!

I’m afraid that’s the best I can do with regards weighty opening of a post that asks, what would you do if you won the Lotto?

Firstly, we’ll clear up the amount. You didn’t win the 14 point whatever million from a few weeks back. You’ve won a more modest €3million. How do you react? Do you go into work the next day? Do you ring all your friends and head down to the local pub for the night? Do you tell no one?Lotto Logo

I think my first reaction would be to break out the champagne (admittedly the only champagne we have in the apartment is a bottle of Russian plonk that’s been sitting on the rack for about two years). After vomiting up the dodgy bubbly, I’d leg it down to SuperValu to stock up on the good stuff. I think I’d keep it between Lottie and myself at first. Then after a few days maybe let friends and family know we had won a smaller amount. Is that wrong? It sounds a bit miserly lying to avoid having to be Mr and Mrs Generosity. Hmmm!

We’d drink to our success for a few nights (calling in sick to work, perhaps due to the dodgy bubbly), before letting the cat out of the bag (ok, I know we shouldn’t be keeping Amy in a bag, but we’re rich now and can get away with it). We’d definitely share the wealth (not all of it mind). We have, between us, a large family who could all do with a few extra bob.

ChampagneLottie likes the idea of buying a plot of land, designing a house and then fecking off for a year while it’s built. Yeah, that’d be fun, but I’m not sure I’d want to leave Ireland and my friends at a time when I could afford to enjoy the country and spend time doing all the things on my wish list. I’d definitely build a house though. That’s a long term dream of mine.

Of course, one of the very first thing’s I’d do is buy the iPhone. Not really sure about any other initial purchases though. Any ideas?

19 responses so far

19 Responses to “If I Were A Rich Man…”

  1. Lottieon 08 Apr 2008 at 12:26 pm

    Look at you giving all our hard earned money away. Bad Darren!!!

    Personally, I don’t think I will be able to celebrate until the cheque CLEARED my account. Too much can go wrong (namely me loosing the ticket!)

    I will probably allow you a modest allowance and then jet of to Maritius.

    Work? At the moment – I am in the “I hate Work” phase – I don’t think I’d be back in …..or….ooh….3 mills not THAT much anymore…..I’d probably have to work eventually…..no – no more work.

    Mainly I’m going to invest in a decisiveness course.

  2. Grannymaron 08 Apr 2008 at 12:44 pm

    I never think about it. Money only brings problems… and relations out of the woodwork 😉

  3. Benon 08 Apr 2008 at 1:03 pm

    hmmm 3 million doesn’t get you a lot these days.

    1) Pay off Mortgage.
    2) Holiday.
    3) Modest career break from being a bin man
    4) Start up a business
    5) The usual celebration shinanigans
    6) The usual immediate family helping out etc.

    What grannymar said , mo’ money mo’ problems 😉

    . . . oh yes and i’d buy an iPhone

  4. Darrenon 08 Apr 2008 at 1:11 pm

    @Liz Thank you for the ‘modest allowance’. Will it be more than you give me at the moment?

    @Grannymar You’re right about the relations thing. Maybe it would be better to stay schtum.

    @Ben So, we’re all in agreement on the iPhone at least!

  5. Darren.. tooon 08 Apr 2008 at 2:00 pm

    Buy 4-5 cheapish houses for rent €400/500,000. Quit work and live off the income. Should be about €4-8000 a month. Depends on the details.

    Go on holidays, hire an accountant and live the good life.

  6. Benon 08 Apr 2008 at 2:52 pm

    @Darren..too: me doth think you’ve never rented out a property before. . quite a bit of work in itself!

    I think with 3 million blips you’d just be putting your eggs all in one basket!

  7. Daragh O Brienon 08 Apr 2008 at 4:57 pm

    I have planned this for a number of years…. there’s only one component missing.

    1) Make no changes for 6 months. Keep paying mortgage and scrimping by as if still a pauper. Lets the fuss die down

    2) Month 6 clear all bills, make some provision for children of friends and family for stuff (if you’d met my friends or seen my family you’d understand why the kids would need all the help they can get). Change car. Second hand Audi A6 or similar… nothing flash.

    3) Sit back for another 3 months.

    4) Buy holiday home somewhere with cheap beach front property. Mt Everest might be good because I’m a patient man and I’ll have beaten the rush.

    5) Month 10… go to work on a Wednesday (has to be mid week for reasons to become apparent). Have an almighty row with the boss over anything. Storm out telling them that they can stuff their job and I’ll “just have to make do”. Jump into a cab, head to airport. Ring wife, get her to meet me there. Book flight to Destination X on the way (not butlins.. more like barbados).

    6) Spend next few weeks fielding calls/emails from work colleagues concerned for my mental and financial welfare (remember I stormed out and they don’t know all bills are paid up, and money in bank – it looks like I’ve thrown all the toys out of the pram). Try not to laugh too much when I tell them that I’m getting on OK and something will turn up (while I eat rare Kobe beef steaks and drink the finest wines known to humanity).

    7) Spend next 12 months trying to turn X million into X+Y million, where Y is an equally large number through clever investing for the long term.

    The missing component is simply the vast wads of winnings necessary to start at step 1. Soon. Very soon.

  8. Darrenon 08 Apr 2008 at 11:09 pm

    @Darren2 That sounds like no fun. Where’s the parties, the extravagance, the iPhone…

    @Daragh OH MY GOD!

  9. Andrewon 09 Apr 2008 at 3:33 am

    Darren, you should buy iPhones for every single person in Wicklow town. Just to enjoy watching them all going round going “Ah lads, these iPhone yokes are quaren deadly. I thought that Darren Byrne chap was just a big gay but he’s quaren sound, so he is.”

    Personally, I think I might feed an iPhone to a Dyson Airblade.

    If you want my answer, and I’m not being cheesy or full of shit here, I’d try to make sure my immediate family were reasonably secure then set up a couple of orphanages in Tanzania and hopefully keep enough so I could work at them for ten years or so without worrying about a source of income. Then I’d come back and semi-retire to a modest house in whatever part of Ireland the housing market crashes in first, maybe do a bit of part-time English teaching to foreign students and write loads of books that only twelve people like.

    I honestly think all that could just about be done on 3 mill, certainly if you took advantage of being able to lodge a mill or so in a Jersey bank account while living abroad.

  10. Darrenon 09 Apr 2008 at 10:18 am

    Andy, damn you, you’ve put the rest of us to shame. But seriously that’s a good answer, a really really good answer. Or maybe it’s a good sales pitch…I hereby pledge to invest in you and your campaign with some of my winnings.

    And I believe that you mean every word of it. It contains a balance between selfless philanthropy which I know you for, and a reasonable selfishness, which makes us human. I like it. Damn good answer.

  11. Andrewon 09 Apr 2008 at 11:59 am

    Actually, I bought a Lottery ticket before paddy’s weekend and never actually checked it. Hmmmm…just going down the shops for a little while, I’ll update you when I’m back.

  12. Maryon 09 Apr 2008 at 12:37 pm

    1) As those who know me, know I can’t hold anything in, so I’d let all my friends and family know and would have a big party to celebrate with drinking flowing freely all weekend, preferably I’d then take my family & closest friends and fly us all off somewhere in the sun for a week.
    2) I’d pay off my car and credit card and overdraft.
    3) I’d be the same as Lottie, buy land, design my own house the way I want it, opossed to buying one that 1000’s of people already have.
    4) I’d give each member of my family a lump sum to do as they please with, be it pay off part/all their mortgage or go on holidays or whatever, it’s theirs to do as they please.
    5) Set up accounts for my nieces and nephew with a lump sum and not allow them access to it until they are 18.
    6) I’d leave my job.
    7) I’d invest some of it.

  13. Darrenon 09 Apr 2008 at 12:54 pm

    @Mary I like it. Will I be invited on your ‘somewhere in the sun’ holiday?

  14. Maryon 09 Apr 2008 at 2:04 pm

    Ohh but of course, yourself and Lottie will be the first invited.
    I’m thinking of hiring a private plane :-).

  15. Benon 09 Apr 2008 at 4:49 pm

    Phase 2 of my plan:

    Guns n’ whores

    . . . Who’s with me ?

  16. Darrenon 09 Apr 2008 at 5:03 pm

    ME! Woooo!

    Ahem……I mean, no…bad Ben!

  17. Ken McGuireon 09 Apr 2008 at 10:54 pm

    How about a mic so you can start podcasting, eh?

    Me? Dunno what’d I’d do. Hire someone to run my various business interests so I can concentrate on my social ones.

    I’d likely buy reasonable sized and reasonably priced building (or long term lease) and open up a new performance venue to double / treble / quadruple as a sound studio / photo studio / exhibition space / design studio / bar / coffee shop / mini book store / mini music store….

    Then hire someone to run that as well so I can spend all day sitting around it!

  18. Daragh O Brienon 16 Apr 2008 at 11:13 am


    Are you surprised that I’ve made such detailed plans for my imaginary future?

    I’m a details guy.

  19. Darrenon 16 Apr 2008 at 4:39 pm

    @Daragh No, not surprised – impressed. Although, I’m a little annoyed that you haven’t factored in the cost of my mortgage into your very detailed plans, but I’ll let it slide, I guess.

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